However, when she was able to forgive me and provide grace, it was a gift of love to me. Unfortunately, it was probably wishful thinking that I could be perfect in the first place. It was the first time my wife realized she didn’t know if she could trust me. You can see it on my face when I try to make a joke. (We can get into the specifics of why people lie later.) Anyone who knows me, knows I do not have a poker face. I remember early in my marriage when I told my wife a lie. Thought giving grace should not be done flippantly. However, grace and reassurance are needed for those who have chosen to be dishonest. Devastation arises with just one little white lie. If dishonesty can create this much trouble in regular relationships, committed marriages don’t stand a chance. Can we make room for grace and mercy for those who have been dishonest?Īlthough I think lying is wrong (Read my thoughts about this here), I have done it too. In a relationship, dishonesty has costs that can result in you losing trust, safety, respect, and more. Lying will never be right in my book (Although after much research I have started to understand more about when lying might be permitted or accepted Biblically). Just because something looks good or feels good, does not mean it is right. Even then, it might be helpful to reconsider. The lesson to be learned is to be careful in accepting the consequence to lie until after much consideration.
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I am not sure any of us can know the far-reaching result of our behavior. Just because you accept the consequence does not mean that you are fully aware of the extent of that consequence or how it manifests. If you are willing to accept the consequences, then I can understand the reason for your lie, although it may still not be right. Weighing the cost of dishonesty is important to determine what the benefits and risks are. Weigh the cost of dishonesty to limit the consequences for you and your partnerĮveryone in this world has experienced a form of dishonesty. On top of that, trying to keep all the lies intact causes a person to question everything. The need to cover up each lie leads to confusion. If you have lied, you know that dishonesty can permeate a person’s life. Lying might be the sin that is committed most in life, except for pride. I believe that dishonesty has benefitted people, but at what cost? Is that ever okay? I am not arguing whether or not lying sometimes may benefit you. Many believe there are times when lying is okay. Most people agree that deception or dishonesty is wrong. Deception and dishonesty are wrong, even though sometimes people try to justify them. Find out how honesty helps a marriage HERE. This creates an ever-deepening cycle of intimacy and connection. A healthy relationship thrives on safety and certainty because a person can be more and more honest and open without the fear of being hurt. Honesty and trust provide an atmosphere where safety and certainty thrive in a marriage. Safety and certainty are important in relationships because they open us up to deeper connection and love. Trust is important because it provides safety and certainty in the relationship. Trust continues until a person hurts or deceives another person. You would agree that you trusted your partner when things started, at least as you got to know them. When two individuals enter a relationship, they trust each other. Why is it important to have trust in a relationship and not dishonesty? Not the type of fear where you are scared for your life, but fear in the form of hurt and emotional pain. When a person lies to you, you automatically become hurt and in some ways fearful. The reason lying hurts relationships is due to its nature of creating distrust. However, knowing why lying hurts relationships can help to prevent lying in the first place. There are consequences for lying in relationships… Stop dishonesty and take the first steps to change: GET THIS WORKBOOK. Continue with me as we lay out how damaging dishonesty can be to marriage.
WHEN YOUR PARTNER HIDES THINGS FROM YOU HOW TO
Knowing how it hurts can lead you to understand how to change your situation.
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This post will provide insight into how lying hurts your relationship. If this is you, then you are in the right place. It’s also important to find ways to change this behavior for the sake of your relationship.
![when your partner hides things from you when your partner hides things from you](https://assets.slice.ca/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/keeping-secrets-in-a-relationship-unhappy-in-relationship.jpg)
I’m guessing, like me, you are hoping to understand this behavior. You are probably here because you either have a spouse or partner that has lied to you, or you are the spouse that is struggling with dishonesty. What if you could recognize how your behavior is not getting the results you were hoping for? Would you be able to start choosing more healthy behaviors? I started thinking about how I could be of help. I know that so many people would love to solve this problem. I was sitting here at my desk wondering…”How has lying been such a major factor in the lives of the couples I work with?” I think about what they go through and how they feel.